3 Steps to Save Your Marriage
Here are three basic steps you need to get yourself going:
But first you need the confidence that your marriage can be saved. Eradicate doubts and make a decision if your relationship is worth saving. An abusive spouse is a warning and a reason not to continue, otherwise, there is hope.
Relationship rescue in 3 steps
These are by no means easy steps, but are necessary.
- Accept the Break Up!
- Do not contact your ex too soon.
- Getting back together with ex
Relationship Rescue Step 1: Accept the Break Up! – For the moment
As difficult as it may be, this is vital. There is too much tension and stress in the early stages of a relationship break up.
Accepting the breakup gets you and your partner on the same level and
is the preparation for you to be able to talk at all. I mean talk as in
“communicate” and not as two parallel monologs that are not heard by
the other. You do want your partner to actually hear what you are
saying, don’t you?
The breakup is real, even if you want to be in denial; it has happened. You are not giving up by accepting this. By accepting the breakup you will free up energy within yourself to solve the situation. You have only a limited amount of energy. Your choice is whether to spend it:
- on grieving your lost relationship, or
- rescuing your broken relationship.
As hard as it feels, let your partner know that you are accepting the
breakup, to allow space for a reflective process to begin. When you do
this, it will eliminate a large amount of the tension and stress that is
being experienced by all.
Your partner will need time to think about the relationship, and this will give you time as well to consider your options.
Relationship Rescue Step 2: Do not contact your partner – yet!
Do not make an effort to contact your partner right now. This is also
a difficult step for you. It may feel counterintuitive, but by not
communicating with your partner you are signaling that you have already
moved on and that you are handling the situation just fine. This
relieves tension in your partner, which is necessary for your partner to
start reflecting over your relationship with him or her so that there
can be some “thinking time.”
Instead of concentrating on why he or she broke up with you, this
time should give your partner the chance to quietly reflect about your
relationship. It will also allow your partner to have some time to miss
When you can separate yourself from your partner and can calm your
nerves, your partner will not feel threatened by your emotions and may
be the best time for him or her to realize how important you were to
If your partner realizes that he or she still loves you, they will find a way to get back with you.
I struggled to get my wife back and it was impossible, she wouldn’t
or couldn’t listen to anything I said. A few weeks after I left never
wanting to see her again, she phoned and said she wanted us to try
While I was trying to get my ex wife back, she was trying to get some space in which to think, without me being constantly in the background. Once she had her space and could reflect alone, she could make the decision to try again.
Relationship Rescue Step 3 – Getting back together with your ex.
Once you have done the two steps mentioned above, you can start
working towards when you should meet, where you should meet, and also
what should be said when you do meet up again.
If there are strong emotions, then there is a strong chance love is
still there. This will allow you to get a better idea of whether or not
your partner still loves you, and also if there is any chance that you
and your partner will be able to get back together.
An excellent help with these steps, especially the last crucial one can be found in the guide How to save a marriage.
Relationship Rescue can be a little more complicated than the three
steps above. But they are a good start, a base on which to build, and
will improve your chances of winning your partner back.